So last week my blog post was about attachment theory and the attributes and characteristics that people display with regards to this theory. And I also promised that I would talk about how attachment theory relates to my relationships.
Well to start off the blog I would like to say that personally I am part ambivalent/ anxious type and avoidant type. The qualities and traits that I listed in the previous post and the research I have read before posting the article resonate with me and these traits and qualities have also carried onto my life and my relationships with people around me.
I do really cherish my parents. They gave my life, gave me a home, food and education, advice, memories. They gave me everything. But I do wish I had a different childhood. Like I said before they gave me everything, but that everything is in the physical sense not the emotional. They did try to show me love but to me, it always feel empty and not fufiling. When I was younger, I used to be resentful of the lack of love that they showed me but now that I’ve grown up I can empathise with their actions and reasons to why they never gave me enough love. They grew up in a totally different world, had different values and experience. And as such we view love and emotions differently. I view it as a neccesity but they viewed it as a option. I can’t change their past ans their values and beliefs, but I can try and empathise with them.
I have two sets of friends. Those I consider my true friends and those that I consider my “friends”. You’re probably wondering what the difference between friends and “friends” is. Well I consider a true friend to be one whom I can completely trust. We would be able to tell each other everything and talk about anything. Trust to me is an important aspect of any relationship and as such I highly value it and prize it. Hence why I consider a true friend someone who I would trust completely. Those who I consider just friends are people who I get along with, and I use the term “get along with” very loosely. If I don’t dislike you, I’d consider you my friend. Now with “friends” I still trust them but I’m not completely honest with them. I don’t tell them everything but I do tell them quite a lot. I’m usually very upfront and honest person. I try to create trust and love in my friendships by being honest and trustworthy myself but there are people who misuse my trust in them. I also tend to get attached to people very quickly, especially if they reciprocate my trust in them. I think this quick attachment is a result of my upbringing. I didn’t receive my love or emotional response from my parents so I seek them out from others. And when those people who I attach to decide to cut off the friendship or attachment I tend to take letting go with difficulty. I think I really need to learn that not everything will last forever, there is an expiry date for everything; even friendships.
He who should not be name
Yes, him. Similarly to my friendships, as soon as he paid any attention to me I immediately attached and when they want to let go, I try everything to not let go. For example, yesterday I was talking to him and when he wanted to end it. I just kept trying to hold on. Yes, I know it is very unhealthy but I still kept holding on. Now today I’ve returned to blogging to help deal with the loss and letting go. My unhealthy anxious/ avoidant attachment prevents me from moving on when I know that I should.
Ultimately my attachment style has had a profound effect on how I form relationships with the surrounding people. I ultimately want healthy relationships from me and I believe the only way to do so is to learn to let go. I need to accept the fact that my parents will never change, some friendships weren’t meant to last and that he is never going to be with me.
Thank you for reading, I hope the wait for this part of the blog wasn’t too long. I will try to blog at least every two weeks.