Privilege

Awhile ago I came across a graphic that one of my Facebook friends had shared.

http://thewireless.co.nz/articles/the-pencilsword-on-a-plate

The post made me think about privilege in our society. I live in Australia in the Western Suburbs. People who live in the Western suburbs are often depicted and painted in media as lazy slobs, who abuse the welfare payments from the government, and other unsavoury terms. Western Sydney is also home to a lot of new migrants and many refugees who have come newly arrived to Australia. Unfortunately the media has convinced some members of the public that this picture of people inhabiting Western Sydney is true. I see it everywhere, not only in mainstream media but from the people who surround me, particularly people in my university, the University of Sydney.

The University of Sydney resides in the streets of Redfern and Glebe. It is located about a 20 minutes walk from Central Station, part of Sydney’s CBD. People who attend this university usually come from the Eastern suburbs or places where there is a monoculture of “white” or people of Anglo-Saxon appearance or descent. Because I lived in the Western suburbs I was surrounded prominently by people of colour, i.e. people who were not white. Upon coming to university I was suddenly surrounded by a lot of “white” people. These “white” people often questioned my background and where I lived. I often told them the truth. I am of Vietnamese descent, and I lived in a suburb called Granville. This was often met with disgust and confusion. “Where’s that?” “You’re from the West” and other questions and statements. It was then I realise these people were judging me because I lived in the suburbs, my skin colour and my descent.

Not only that, I was often at odds with these people, who had lived a totally different life from me. I don’t ever recall attending skiing trips as excursions. I remembered the times my friends ran around the Powerhouse museum, eager to explore every nook and cranny of the infamous museum. I didn’t remember the time I had ever attended a débutante ball or gala, or a polo match or any of those things. It’s funny how we were only separated by 30 kilometres, a 25-30 minute drive, and yet we’d led totally different lives. They often said horrible things about people who lived in Western Sydney, about how they were undeserving and “povo”. I felt so ashamed about who I was.

But then I realised. Yes, they do live in privilege, but I live in diversity. I live within a rich cultural hub where I can literally access every cultures within a few minutes drive. The foods amazing and the people are even so amazing. People who have faced war, death and even worse horrors, but have built a beautiful and rich neighbourhood.

I am proud to come from Western Sydney. I am proud to come from a rich and beautiful cultural hub. It is me who is privileged to live in such a beautiful place.

Oday

So it’s been a while but here I am again!!
I’ve been a bit busy with life, trying to balance uni, work and staying sane. But enough about that.

University has just started again and I’m looking forward to the struggle once again. The assignments are starting to pile up so I might not get a chance to blog again, so I’m savouring the moment.

Speaking about savouring the moment,on Monday I had a chance to wonder around uni looking for all the freebies I could grab, sadly there were not that many this year. I could only grab a free bag and drink. It was a rather lack lustre start to Semester 2. However in saying that, my opinions may change as the semester goes on.

Good night. Pleasant dreams everyone.

Papparich

Papparich’s roti with curry chicken. . Side dishes included, curry chicken, chilli chutney and some sort of lentil soup.

Roti was filled with egg and red onions. It was rather warm and savoury, a bit to heavy in my opinion, but nonetheless delicious.
The chicken was quite tender, soft and so flavoursome.
The chutney had a quite a powerful kick, and added an element of spice to the dish.
The soup was rather bland, being the biggest disappointment of the dish.
I would recommend, especially, if you haven’t tried roti before.

History

History, (the study of or a record of) past events considered together, especially events of a particular periodcountry, or subject*. Today’s post will be about my history with he who should not be named. I know that I’ve already outlined it in a previous post, but because of recent events i.e. read my last post has led me to reconsider the history between us.

The first time I “met”- I’m using the term met very loosely here, was on an anonymous website called teenchat.com approximately in 2012, so about three years ago. I don’t really remember much of what we talked about but it was really fun an exciting talking to him. I remember talking to him almost everyday. Awhile after talking he wanted to meet up and hook up. Then things started to change. I was scared of meeting him. I didn’t want to ruin what we had before this. Unfortunately I chose to meet up and hook up with him. It was actually quite fun and exciting initially, but as per usual things got complicated. I started to develop feelings for him. And I knew that if I told him, he would end it as feelings made hooking up complicated. So I kept silent about it and hoped the feelings would go away. Who am I kidding, I wanted you to like me, to reciprocate the feelings. But unfortunately that never happened. So in order to soften the pain, I took the advice of my closest friend and blocked you from contacting me. 

That period was great initially. I was no longer burdened with your presence and my unreciprocated feelings. I was free at last. That feeling did not last long however. I still had lingering feelings for you which led me to unblock you and start communicating again. We kept this cycle, or rather I kept the cycle of blocking and unblocking, which ultimately led to the events of yesterday. Yesterday, you told me you couldn’t deal with my cycles of blocking and unblocking so you decided to let go. And let go for good this time. No more contact. That hurt me, but it did give a good chance to reflect on our history. I will always remember the good stuff in the past, it was truly a fun experience. And I am truly sorry for my attitude, I really should have been more honest about how I felt about you. It would have save me and you from a lot of problems. 

Thanks for reading guys. 
 
*- From Camridge Online dictionary

Valentines Day

So yesterday was Valentines Day in Sydney. And what did moi do? Well she basically did what she’s being doing the last 3 months. Staying at home and wasting her life on the internet. But little did she know something happened later that night that would affect her.

So basically as I said I was chilling on the net last night when “he” started messaging me on Facebook. The conversation lasted quite a while, but here’s a short version;

He: I can’t do this any more bye.
Me: Wait, don’t go…
He: offline
Me: 😦

Yep, that’s how I spent my Valentines Day. And as you can see I still haven’t gotten the hang of letting go healthily. What did you guys do for Valentines (I sincerely hope it was better than mine)?

Letting Go… Pt2

So last week my blog post was about attachment theory and the attributes and characteristics that people display with regards to this theory. And I also promised that I would talk about how attachment theory relates to my relationships.

Well to start off the blog I would like to say that personally I am part ambivalent/ anxious type and avoidant type. The qualities and traits that I listed in the previous post and the research I have read before posting the article resonate with me and these traits and qualities have also carried onto my life and my relationships with people around me.

The Parentals

    I do really cherish my parents. They gave my life, gave me a home, food and education, advice, memories. They gave me everything. But I do wish I had a different childhood. Like I said before they gave me everything, but that everything is in the physical sense not the emotional. They did try to show me love but to me, it always feel empty and not fufiling. When I was younger, I used to be resentful of the lack of love that they showed me but now that I’ve grown up I can empathise with their actions and reasons to why they never gave me enough love. They grew up in a totally different world, had different values and experience. And as such we view love and emotions differently. I view it as a neccesity but they viewed it as a option. I can’t change their past ans their values and beliefs, but I can try and empathise with them.

    The Friends

    I have two sets of friends. Those I consider my true friends and those that I consider my “friends”. You’re probably wondering what the difference between friends and “friends” is. Well I consider a true friend to be one whom I can completely trust. We would be able to tell each other everything and talk about anything. Trust to me is an important aspect of any relationship and as such I highly value it and prize it. Hence why I consider a true friend someone who I would trust completely. Those who I consider just friends are people who I get along with, and I use the term “get along with” very loosely. If I don’t dislike you, I’d consider you my friend. Now with “friends” I still trust them but I’m not completely honest with them. I don’t tell them everything but I do tell them quite a lot. I’m usually  very upfront and honest person. I try to create trust and love in my friendships by being honest and trustworthy myself but there are people who misuse my trust in them. I also tend to get attached to people very quickly, especially if they reciprocate my trust in them. I think this quick attachment is a result of my upbringing. I didn’t receive my love or emotional response from my parents so I seek them out from others. And when those people who I attach to decide to cut off the friendship or attachment I tend to take letting go with difficulty. I think I really need to learn that not everything will last forever, there is an expiry date for everything; even friendships.

    He who should not be name

    Yes, him. Similarly to my friendships, as soon as he paid any attention to me I immediately attached and when they want to let go, I try everything to not let go. For example, yesterday I was talking to him and when he wanted to end it. I just kept trying to hold on. Yes, I know it is very unhealthy but I still kept holding on. Now today I’ve returned to blogging to help deal with the loss and letting go. My unhealthy anxious/ avoidant attachment prevents me from moving on when I know that I should.

    Ultimately my attachment style has had a profound effect on how I form relationships with the surrounding people. I ultimately want healthy relationships from me and I believe the only way to do so is to learn to let go. I need to accept the fact that my parents will never change, some friendships weren’t meant to last and that he is never going to be with me.

    Thank you for reading, I hope the wait for this part of the blog wasn’t too long. I will try to blog at least every two weeks.

    Letting go… Pt I

    One of my best friends brought something up a while back that peaked my interests. Attachment theory. This theory deals with the relationships and attachments we form with significant people in our lives. For example our attachments with our parental figures and romantic partners.

    The first attachment theorist was British psychologist John Bowlby. He described attachment as a ‘lasting psychological connectedness between human beings. Initially many people believed that attachment was a learned behaviour and that through parents feeding their children, the children attach to their parents through the nourishment. However later findings show a different story. Bowlby discovered that attachment is characterised by behavioural and motivational patterns in children. The responses and nurturing nature of the primary caregivers of the children are what determined attachment.

    Caregivers who were more responsive and nurturing to the needs of the children, developed their children’s sense of security and they know that their caregivers can be dependent on. As such they can explore the world in a more positive and reaffirmed way.

    However if this responsiveness or nurturing varies by the caregiver then the children will form different types of attachment. There are four different types of attachment; secure, avoidant, ambivalent/anxious and disorganised.

    Secure:
    In a strange situation the children see the mother as a secure base to which the child could use to facilitate to explore the strange situation. Once the mother left the strange situation the children would be distressed but when the mother came back, they went to the mother to be held and comforted. They were quickly reassured and then quickly went back to exploring the strange situation.

    In terms of responsiveness and nurturing in the caregiver, the caregiver is emotionally available and extremely perceptive and responsive to the children’s needs.

    A secure attachment style child would be one that expects and knows that their needs are going to be met, they know that they will be taken care of physically and emotionally. These children tend to form positive and emotionally caring relationships with others.

    Avoidant:
    In a strange situation the children did not see the mother as a secure base from which they could faciltate their exploration of the strange situation. When the mother left,the children would look to their mother but often did not. And upon her return ignored her and continued to play by themselves.

    In the home, the children’s parents are most likely able to physically take care of the child, but not emotionally. These children tend to express random aggression and are more clingy and demanding than those who had secure attachments.

    An avoidant attachment style child would be one that protect themselves from emotional and other types of vulnerability by disassociating from emotional connections and repressing their emotions. This is due to the emotional neglect they had as a child, so they learn to be independent and shut these emotions down. They know that these emotions will not get them the emotional recognition they need so they shut them down. These children tend to form unstable and unhealthy relationships in their adult years. They try to be close emotionally to their partner but they also try to avoid emotional connections for fear of being vulnerable.

    Ambivalent/anxious
    In a strange situation the children where more aware of the mother’s position whilst they were exploring. If the mother left, the children would be very upset and upon her return was very clingy. The children alternated between outbursts of anger and going limp. In both cases the children were not reaffirmed by the presence of their mother, even if she was very responsive or nurturing.

    In the home, these children had mothers who were inconsistently available for the infant and when she was available she was usually busy with something else and not responsive to the children’s needs. As a result these children are very anxious, clingy and demanding at home for their mother’s attention.

    An ambivalent/ anxious attachment style child acknowledges that even if their mother is their physically they would not be able to take care of them and as such they will over react their attachment to their mother by being clingy. These children grow up to form unstable relationships but instead of pushing their partner away emotionally like avoidants do, they tend to create fantasies in their minds about their relationships, they often look to their partner to satisfy their emotional hunger, they look for the partner as a crutch to fill the void in them.

    Disorganised:
    This is not an usual classification of attachment styles. However later studies have shown that some infants got disorganised when their parents left the room and upon their return expression disorganised reactions. They were also not satisfied if their parents comforted them. This behaviour is often synonymous with victims of abusive homes, psychologically abusive parents or substance abusing parents.

    Credits/ Further reading:
    http://psychology.about.com/od/loveandattraction/a/attachment01.htm
    http://www.essentialparenting.com/2010/05/22/the-forms-of-attachment/
    http://www.psychalive.org/what-is-your-attachment-style/
    http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/compassion-matters/201307/how-your-attachment-style-impacts-your-relationship

    So what is this post about really? Well as I mention before, my friend brought this matter to my attention and throughout the week I was thinking about my past relationships, whether they be parental, friendships or romantic. But that stuff is for next week. This is all I will leave you with.

    Thanks for reading, see you next week hopefully!